Chapter Three: Thinking About Leaving Hurts

My heart is literally breaking. I am laying in a hotel in my college town, and I am miserable. Not because this place isn’t amazing or I don’t want to come here, but because I already miss my best friend (who we can refer to as Queenie). I have been away from home for three days, and I miss Queenie more than I would like to admit. We will soon be going to college THREE HUNDRED MILES away from each other, and lying here thinking about that reality hurts. During an average week, we spend probably four days together laughing, relaxing, and sometimes, drinking. How can we go from that kind of closeness to simply talking through cell phones?

The truly ironic part is before this year I had no one to stay for. The people in my class and town were never people who made me feel at home, but as luck would have it, in the year leading up to leaving… I rediscovered my person (slight Grey’s reference). We had been sort-of friends in the past, but as high school drama would have it, our friendship did not last long. Over the past year, Queenie and I have become closer than I have ever been with a friend, and it’s an indescribable feeling. I can’t even fully formulate why our friendship works so well, but I think it’s because of our honesty with each other. I have never had someone in my life that I can be so open with free of judgment, and that feeling of acceptance is liberating. I guess I am most scared for the first time something happens, and all I want to do is see Queenie and tell her about it. How will I feel when the one person I want to tell is too far away to be seen? Honestly… the thought of living more than five minutes away from that kind of friendship is absolutely crushing.

Thought of tonight: Are text and facetime enough to keep me feeling connected to my person? Is it irrational to miss someone before you even leave?

With crass comments and subtle humor,

Apparently Carol


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